This cold/flu won't leave me!

Dear mum,


I have been very patient with myself, so I don't understand why this bug won't leave me alone! I've been sick for 2 weeks now and it is definitely draining my life! I feel weak, my nose is blocked and runny, my throat is phlegmy and sore, my body aches, my head pounds like a gnome is looking for gold in there, and it just would not go away!

I've got to admit, I haven't exactly taken a day off work to properly rest up. I don't have a back up who would work for me, that's the problem. Back when you were sick mum, I would fill in your spot so you could recover. Even staying at home, and it didn't work out for you :( But no matter, I'm a strong girl! Taking all these meds to make me feel like a new person- I hope.

Two more days of antibiotics to go, then I'll see how I go. I was suppose to have Monday and Tuesday off next week but my employee has to go into court for a car fine on tues so I need to work instead. No matter I got Mon off anyway. So a long weekend will hopefully cure me.

I just want to get better before my birthday. Turning 24 OMG where has the time gone. Time has flown faster now that I am happily taken as well. My man is the best. Not really, he's left me to go on a fishing camping trip with his boys hmph. But no matter, I actually had plans this weekend with youth group first but now I'm too sick to participate. He's just so good to me, being patient with a busy girl like me so he deserves to go on this trip. I will be away in HK too so hehe kinda even.

March is too busy for me. There's so many birthdays, so many events that I don't think I'll have a free weekend after this one. That's the reason I want to get better! Going to see the docs the third time next week, I didn't even see the doctors ONCE last year at all. Getting rather ridiculous don't you think.

But yes I will go to sleep now. My back is aching. Missing my chiro lol.

Loving you always,


Your daughter Anna ♥

The past

Dear Mum,


It's been a while since I've blogged, and I thought I'd blog again because a few things have been bugging me.


I'm not young anymore. Yet sometimes I do the most stupid things. I told myself not to do it because I'll get hurt- yet I still did. Always repeat the same mistake over and over again. But this time I've learnt my lesson. I'm too hurt. I don't feel like I'm of any worth. The past sucks.


Curiosity killed the cat. 

“

Curiosity can do more things than kill a cat; and if emotions, well recognized as feminine, are inimical to feline life, then jealousy would soon leave the whole world catless.

”

The actual phrase appeared as the headline to a story in The Washington Post on 4 March 1916 (page 6):

“

CURIOSITY KILLED THE CAT. Four Departments of New York City Government Summoned to Rescue Feline. From the New York World. Curiosity, as you may recall— On the fifth floor of the apartment house at 203 West 130th street lives Miss Mable Godfrey. When she came to the house about seven months ago she brought Blackie, a cat of several years' experience of life. The cat seldom left the apartment. He was a hearth cat, not a fence cat, and did not dearly love to sing. In other respects he was normal and hence curious. Last Tuesday afternoon when Miss Godfrey was out Blackie skipped into the grate fireplace in a rear room. He had done this many times before. But he had not climbed up the flue to the chimney. This he did Tuesday. Blackie there remained, perched on the top of the screen separating the apartment flue from the main chimney, crying for assistance. Miss Godfrey, returning, tried to induce her pet to come down. If you are experienced in felinity, you know that Blackie didn't come down. On Wednesday the cat, curiosity unsatisfied, tried to climb higher—and fell to the first floor. His cries could still be heard by Miss Godfrey; who, to effect Blackie's rescue, communicated with the following departments: 1. Police department. 2. Fire department. 3. Health department. 4. Building department. 5. Washington Heights court. Among them they lowered a rope to Blackie. But it availed neither the cat nor them anything. Thursday morning, just before noon, a plumber opened the rear wall back of the chimney. Blackie was taken out. His fall had injured his back. Ten minutes later Blackie died.

”

Source: Wikipedia ;)


But before this, life has been rather smooth sailing. I'll write up another post about my better days :)


Love you always,


Your daughter Anna ♥

Music

Dear Mum,


I've been back on the piano and guitar. It's another stress reliever, very therapeutic.

Little things by One Direction.
So SWEET! I managed to get a simple version of the music sheet and I can't stop listening, singing and playing this song :D But the majority of the song is acoustic, so I should play this on the guitar rather than the piano.






I can't stop listening to this song- Wish you were here by Delta Goodrem. I relate to it so bad, but in all honesty it is a really good song. I've been trying to find piano sheets to play to it and sing along, but I can't find any free ones so I might just go at it on the guitar- Bm, D, A, G chords





I have currently bookmarked a blogger: Keudae- who puts up transcripts of kpop songs and OH I LOVE IT! I have two kpop songs that I am learning.

1. Trap- Henry
Only because he is part of Super Junior hahaha. But I really like the entrance of the song. First time I heard it I was amazeddd, but I was more amazed to watch him play it so I thought I should learn. Nearly mastered it! I would record and show you but my piano is soooo off key it needs a good tune!






(Pst- I still love you Sungmin  ;))


2. Take me Away by U-Kiss
To be honest, who the hell is U-Kiss? What kind of boy band name is that? But somehow I stumbled on one of their songs and it just sounded peaceful yet sorrowful. Even though most of the song is korean, just by listening to the voices of the male singers, their emotion just pours into the song and made me want to cry. The chorus is so strong: "Somebody take me away, cos I can't take this pain". Arghhh so beautiful yet so sad :(





I'm not learning this song, but whenever I hop onto youtube, I have to listen to it once then I go check out whatever I was suppose to see. And that is none other than: Exo- Growl!

The song is good, but their dance was what attracted me to their MV. It was done in one shoot which I find quite brilliant. Suho, the leader of the pack- he's quite charming hahaha ;P






Love you always,


Your daughter Anna ♥

iOS 7

Dear Mum,


So this morning I woke up and found that iOS 7 was available to download. I was waiting for it to come out  because it looked pretty awesome hence I had no hesitation to download and install it while I was in bed.


Oh how I regretted it.


From pictures of screenshots of other fellow iPhone users, the new software looked quirky and interesting. Even YouTube clips made it look cool. Maybe I'm not use to it but it's so "in your face" to me. Things pop in and out from every touch and the icons look huge! The thing that bugged me the most was the wallpaper. I couldn't seem to get it right because it zooms in when you want to change the picture, making it all pixelated. It's so frustrating. I don't think it suits iPhone 4s cos the screen is a little small, maybe the 5 yes. So I decided on a black background. Sigh.

My contract has ended (well technically it ends in a month but I can get the early upgrade) so I've been considering the iPhone 5s. Today I've been bombarded with texts and emails from Optus telling me tomorrow I can grab the new iPhone 5C or 5s since I'm eligible for an early upgrade blah blah- even telling me to be awake at 2am and register, which is quite extreme. I've been excited about it but after it was revealed, it doesn't seem to be much different to the 5.

After much consideration and recommendations from friends- as well as comparing plans from dif companies I've decided not to get a new phone for the time being. My 4s has been serving me good so I'll keep it for a while until it decides to break down or a better phone comes out. Pretty disappointed to be honest- I wanted a new phone for a while.



Anyway enough about phones. This week I'm feeling very run down. I got sick over the weekend, but I didn't take any time off to recover properly, so though I'm not overly sick anymore, I still have that sluggish and drugged feeling that I can't seem to shake off. Even had to wake up early Mon and Tues to make breaky and lunch and take my brothers to school. Although Wednesdays are my days off, I had to work this week because my employee hurt her wrist. And on Sunday I won't get to properly rest either because there's the Moon Lantern Festival at Holy Name to run and organise. Can't wait til this week is totally over. It's depressing being this busy D:

I'm drained, I'm going to scoot :D


Love you always,


Your daughter Anna ♥

One year death anniversary

Dear Mum,

Maria Pham Thi Kim Lan

04/09/1962 - 20/08/2012

One year has passed since I last held your hand.
"Goodnight Mum, sleep forever more" were the last words that I could manage to voice without breaking down. I was scared. I could not say a thing to you while you were in bed. Couldn't manage even an "I love you" as you were fighting for life. I was scared. Scared that when I start to say something, I won't be able to finish- because it'll be too painful to bear.

One year has passed since I saw your loving face.
You looked and always will look beautiful to me. The last time Quoc saw your face, he kept saying "Mum, wake up!" If only it was that easy. If I were given one more day with you, all I would do is look at you. Bore your face into my brain and endlessly tell you I love you. I love you and I don't ever wanna let you go. I would tell God to take me instead. I still want my mum around with that happy and cheerful smile forever.


Going back one year ago, I remember everything very clearly.

On Thursday I got a call from Dad while I was at work, saying you were at the hospital for a check up, waiting in ER. Then I got home and around 10.30pm I got another call from dad telling me you were finally admitted and that she's in a very serious state. At that time I thought to myself- it can't be that bad right? I was still talking to her that morning. Dad called again at 12am telling me that I should get my aunt from next door to mind my brothers and Bac The and I should go to the hospital straight away. My heart sank to the ground like a bullet. I didn't know how I managed to keep my composure to drive there but I remember Bac The kept saying to me- relax and dont stress, just drive carefully.

When I reached St Vincent's Hospital I was in a daze. Disorientated and confused, I didn't know why mum suddenly became seriously ill. So I asked for you at the desk and they took me to the end of the hall. Curtains were half drawn, so as I was walking down I didn't see you. All I saw at the end of the corridor were about a dozen "non-asian" people, mumbling to each other. At first I thought, that's not where mum is- but I was wrong. They were all doctors and nurses, in their ordinary clothes as they were called in off-duty, talking to each other about your condition. And as I came past the curtains- there I saw you on the bed- with heavy machinery around you, your chest pumping up and down as oxygen was pumped into your body. All the while I saw dad standing beside you and also another person. That person is none other than a priest- Cha Quang, who dad called to do the last ointment of the sick.

I just wanted to collapse.

Nurses came to me, leading me to a chair. Doctors came to me, asking me questions and have me ask THEM questions. I remember vividly one sentence a doctor said to me: "She will most likely not make it through the night."

At that moment I just couldn't understand. I understood nothing, I couldn't comprehend why one second she was healthy then all of a sudden she was struggling for life.

But another doctor approached me and said he will do a procedure that will have mum's heart and lungs all run by machines, and see if there could be a chance that she might recover from whatever is attacking her heart. That moment I saw a glimpse of hope.

Friday came and I did not go to work. I stayed at the ICU waiting to here news of my mum. The procedure was successful- but it could mean she will have an amputated leg, as a big tube has to go through one of her big veins in her thigh, and it might stop the blood flow to the leg. But I thought to myself- if this is a price for her or us to pay for her to stay alive then it should be done.

Friday was a difficult day. Sometimes dad, Bac The and I would stay in the visitors room, all silent, tears running down our face. It is a slim chance of survival, the doctors told us that we have to think the worst in this kind of scenario. It was dreadful. I finally was able to go into the ICU to see you. Shock after shock, there were at least 10 machines and 100 different tubes running around you. Your face was so pale and you body looked stiff. It was so hard to see you in this state.

Then came Saturday. In the morning I went in and saw that you looked a lot better. They cleaned you up- even plaited your hair! You look so beautiful with you hair plaited. You would always wake me up early to braid your hair on my days of work/uni. The nurses were even feeding you milkshake! I thought that this will be a miracle!

The morning and afternoon rolled on and then the bad news came crashing in. Dad and I were ushered into a small office room in the ICU and were told that you were no longer responsive. They decided to lift you off the morphine and any sort of medication that had you in an induced coma. They want you to wake up yourself, feel the pain and at least respond to anything that's going on. I was praying that you would at least move your hand or have some sort of gag reflex, but you didn't. I cried so hard at night. I fell to the ground sobbing and sobbing while my relatives all around me tried to console me. I was so hurt- my heart couldn't bear the pain, I couldn't cope.

On Sunday the doctors decided to move you upstairs to do a CT scan on the brain to see if it is still functioning. They are fearing the worse that the brain is dead - and if your heart is functioning without a brain, then you are pretty much not living. Sunday was the worst day for me. I couldn't control my emotions, I couldn't hold anything in. At that time I kept praying and praying that your brain is okay but at the same time questioning and resenting God for having mum go to this state. Dad and I went to mass at St Francis next to Melbourne Central. I cried all through the mass. I could not utter one word of prayer aloud, because I would choke and that made me cry. I was in so much pain not knowing what was going to happen. It was like waiting on a thin line, you don't know which way it will go.

So on Sunday night dad and I went back into the little office room and was told the inevitable. I died a little inside. The doctors even told us a date and time they need to turn off the machinery. But it was too soon! I still want you alive, I still wanted you to keep breathing, keep your heart beating! I wanted you to at least open your eyes, open your ears and register what I wanted to say, which was "I miss you, I want you in my life, don't leave me!"

But there was nothing I could do. Nothing dad can do. Nothing the doctors can do.

We couldn't hold it off even for another day.



At that time, I knew I had to accept everything. I had to deal with it. Deal with what was part of life.

So then comes Monday the 20th of August 2012. 7pm. The scheduled day and time. The end.



One year has passed and it hurts just the same. It is so painful to struggle through the norms of a working woman. To stand strong and be a happy lady. But I have managed. It is now near the end of the day. I still wanted to hold onto your rigid hand, still want to give you that last kiss on the cheek, still want to play around with your long fine hair.

I remember the night before the funeral, you came to me in two ways. You appeared in my dream and you also appeared through the TV in my room in the early morning. You told me in my dream that at your funeral, I will meet a couple of people that I haven't met in a long time. I should speak to them kindly. And that night my aunt woke me up to tell me the light on the TV is flashing. My TV light is always red when it's off and green when it's on. But it was flashing red and orange. I was scared at first but now whenever I go back and remember that night, I find peace, knowing you're still with me. At the funeral, you were right. I did meet this couple that I haven't met in 14 years. They were your age, but none the less they knew you well and came and spoke to me during the mass. I met them again at a wedding I attended a couple of months later, sitting on the same table as me. I don't know what that really means, but I do know, that even though I have no idea when I will be seeing them again, let it be another 14 years or so, but it won't be the last time.

I can't say the last year hasn't been tough. I've been through tough times but with people who are close to me I am able to stand on my two feet and keep moving. That way I can learn to adjust and live with the struggles of life.

I want to say Happy Birthday to Martin Pham (RIP). It would have been his 29th birthday today. Another life taken too soon. I feel sorry that I couldn't personally say happy birthday to him last year and now I can't make up for it. I will definitely visit you tomorrow.

I hope you both are well in the presence of God. Mum, please continue looking over us.


Love you always,


Your daughter Anna ♥

Consumer Rights= New Iphone!

Dear Mum,


Today I had a Genius Bar appointment at Highpoint to replace my iPad mini. Obviously I had to pay a fee since it was a cosmetic damage (the screen was smashed!) and it isn't covered under warranty. That I know.

But then I asked them to look at my phone as well. It's been a month or so that my switch button on top does not work. It's like it's jammed so you can't put it on sleep mode nor can you turn it on or off. So I've been using the AssistiveTouch and it's slightly annoying.

My warranty ended 10 months ago and I'm on a 24 month contract with Optus and I remember reading somewhere that you can get a replacement even though it's no longer within the 1 year warranty if you get it from a retailer on a contract. I have two months of the contract left so I thought to myself- what the heck I'll just give it a shot and see if I can get a new one.

And here the "Genius" brought up the information of my phone on his iPad- telling me he can't do anything because it is no longer on warranty. So I bought out the big guns and told him about my consumer rights, and how the phone is on a contract, so it should be working well within a "reasonable" period, and if it has defects it should be repaired or replaced.

And since I brought up the consumer rights he told me I had to go through the retailer- Optus. Why should I do that when I know if I go through Optus they will have to make me go to Apple? So I went back and forth arguing that it should be the manufacturer that should fix this problem not Optus. He said if I brought up the consumer rights with Optus they'll definitely do something about it. Dude they'll just make me go through Apple and since I'm already here wouldn't it be easier to do it now?!

The statutory rights of the warranty is an addition to the consumer rights. YEH.

He said he needed to talk to someone and see if they can do anything. 5 mins later he came back and told me he could replace it for me while Apple covers the cost- but it's the correct thing to go through the retailer first. In my mind= pshh I WIN!

And that's how I got my scratched and dented phone replaced with a BRAND NEW ONE! I feel like I accomplished something for sure!

It's good to know your rights.

Love you always,


Your daughter Anna ♥

Minesweeper

Dear Mum,


I'm sorry I haven't been blogging recently. I'll make up for it, I promise :)

I just finished organising all my tax stuff (receipts and things) and made a pretty sweet spreadsheet and you know what, I think I might just do my business tax return myself. Though I would like someone more pro to do it for me and show me then in the future I won't have to worry about paying X amount of money to the tax agents.

I've been busy working and worrying and stressing about nothing and everything- which makes no sense because my head is in a mess. Nooo.. it's not enough to run a business but everyone trying to get me to go out more and find a social life (i.e. just get married) is beyond me. I just want to get away nowwwwwww!

I haven't even managed to post upany nail tutorials! It's partly because I had acrylics on, and it's ugly when it grows out. I took it off yesterday but then I had to sacrifice my nails again so the person I was interviewing could demonstrate for me her skills. But this time it's short so it's not too bad.

Today I had the day off and went to have brunch with a friend of mine. We went to Corinthians and omg, their latte was to die for! And it's only 5 mins away from home yay!

It was next door to the Italian restaurant I worked at ages ago, and on the other side was where my friend use to work at. Such a coincidence lol. We talked about rings, and proposals, and life stuff- and I blurted out that I'd love to have a family, and have grandchildren. After that, I'd die a happy granny. But then he put me back into reality when he said I needed a guy first. Sigh, way to burst my bubble.

August starts tomorrow. It'll be an interesting month as I have many things on. But the most important thing of all is your 1 year death anniversary. Wow. Has it been 1 year already? Time has flown. People say you will heal with time. I guess 1 year is not enough. 

I tried on this ring using the Tiffany & Co app. I quite like this design. No I'm not hinting to anyone or anything from this matter. There was a dark time within this year that I vowed to myself that I will not get married. I had a dnm to my aunt about it and she full on made a fit and told me that I HAVE to get married no matter what. With a family I will be more happier, the children can look after me when I get older and I'll have grandchildren that I can spoil. It does sound good putting it that way. But who's gonna look after my dad, and my brothers? Will I have time for that? All 3 of them are disabled in their own unique way. My head's in a mess. Then I remembered the time I was talking to Chi Bich Hong my cousin while waiting outside ICU where you were fighting for life. The thing she said to me was: "Do you have a boyfriend? If you do, go inside and do your vows infront of your mum right now. The one thing she wanted most from you is to get married, be loved and live an easy life." And mum did tell me that at one stage. I feel like I'm standing on a fork road here. I'm just gonna relax and go with what life throws at me.

I've got a photo I would like to boast about. And it is this:

I finally won a gameeeeee!! I was watching kdrama Viet dubbed and got a little bored from just watching so I started playing minesweeper while listening on. The reason why it took so long (5770 Seconds) is because I stopped halfway and went back to it the next day. Soooo happy :D Havent managed to win another one yet, but I'll keep you posted if I do~

Love you always,

Your daughter Anna ♥