My Confession

Dear Mum,

I was on facebook just a few minutes ago and came across this particular comic addressing someone cheating on a test then going to hell.

Well, I have a confession to make.


I cheated on my Yr 12 Psychology SAC.



There I said it.

You wouldn't really understand the reason why I did so though.


I thought my class was unfairly marked compared to the other class who achieved much higher grades. So I thought I'd prove something (which costed me by the way!).

My friend was in the other Psychology class and they did the SAC before we did. Somehow I didn't get to do the SAC in the scheduled time so I personally had to do it the following week. I think I was sick or something.

However my friend already got his SAC back and marked and received 19/20. That's pretty impressive. So I told my friend how this particular teacher is so strict and we can never get good marks with him. I mean how hard is Psychology anyway? So I thought of a plan to copy my friend's work, word from word and see what mark I will get with this teacher.

It was actually easy to cheat because I was sitting by myself at the back of the room and the teacher was continuing teaching the class about something new while I was writing away. I hid my friend's paper underneath and would occasionally glance over and see whether I was writing everything correctly (I tried to memorise as much as I could).


The end result?

13 out of 20.

I KNOW!


That is a difference of 6 marks. And here the teachers said that the two teachers will swap a few papers that have been marked to see if the marking is fair and reasonable, in which they mentioned that the difference was only about 1-2 marks which is fine.


Well Sir, this was definitely not fair. I don't care if the paper was worth only 13, my friend should only get 13 as well. This is why VCE is crap.

And plus, teachers were required to rank the students in their school for each subject and send it off to VCAA. Well there can be some bias happening that we didn't even know about.

I was a late bloomer for Specialist Maths where during the year, I was struggling pretty bad but then come practise exam period I received the highest mark for the Non-calc exam. I got the same score in the actual exam. The ranking would've definitely had an effect on my standing and study score I received, which was bulldust.


Anyway, ranting nearly over, in conclusion, I couldn't really prove anything when I cheated on the Psychology SAC because I would have either received a 0 for the SAC if I mentioned it to the teachers, or even worse get expelled and not even be able to finish my degree and get a job.

Since it is now in the past, I thought I'd let it out at how unfair the education system is.
Not that I care now, I'll become a millionaire and you can't do anything about it.

Talk about millionaire, KEVIN AND I JUST BOUGHT A HOUSE!

Take that VCE teachers! I've got my life sorted without the extra 6 marks!

Love you always,

Your daughter Anna ♥

Mother's day...

Dear Mum,

For the last week, the term "Mother's Day" crept up quite a few times. If it's not from general conversations it's from advertisements on the billboards or on TV (not to mention the many posts on facebook either).

In the first year I have lost you I don't think it registered to me yet that I truly don't have a mum anymore. It's so unreal that I believed that you would go into my room and make me wake up to get ready to go to work- or when I come home from work there's one of my favourite dishes that you whipped up waiting for me to devour on the dining table.

What small, warm moments that I can never relive again, but can only come back to in my memories...

Last year, on Mother's Day, I was ok. Or so I thought I was, until I broke down at church when the choir sang the most wonderful and beautiful song about a mother nurturing their child to be the best they can ever be.

It affected me so much that today, the only thing I can do is to avoid it all together.

This week, just a reminder about Mother's day had my throat choking up, my nose hot and my eyes watery. I've always had control over my emotions (as Kevin knows, I can keep a serious face when I'm being tickled ;) ) but I wonder, why am I this upset? Doesn't this get better over time?

I see all the photos of mother's being hugged by their lovely children on social media, and back then I've always taken that for granted. Back then, on Mother's Day, I'll be like "Damn, I gotta wake up early to make mum breakfast again". You would always made us kids breakfast, not to mention lunch and dinner for me everyday yet you never complained about it. But just that one day where roles were reversed, it was so bothersome.

I couldn't handle being with people I know today so I went to church at Werribee instead. After going to church by myself, I went to a nearby cafe and sat down with a book to take myself away from the real world. I got distracted by families on the other tables, bringing their mothers out for some brunch/lunch, showing a sign of gratitude just because it was a day that you were expected to. There needs to be more love in the world for Mothers, not just to celebrate that one day only. But in reality, especially in the society we live in, we can't even take time to look after ourselves let alone show some appreciation to our hard working mothers. So a day like today- embrace it and don't take it for granted.

PS: I chose the table with yellow tulips... I love tulips and so did you mum :)

Like I said, I wanted to get myself distracted and I really did. It's been 3 months since I've came in (always had a small latte- takeaway) and the coffee here tasted quite good so I ordered a regular caramel latte and sat down with my book waiting for it to come out. After the placed down my coffee, what distracted me the most was the state of the spoon they gave me. I was horrified! Lucky I didn't need to use it but still, it was just so dirty!

I was contemplating whether I should leave it or I should tell them (Kevin gets so embarrassed when I complain- but we as customers have every right to if something is not right!) but first of all, its quite busy in the cafe- all the workers wearing out their shoes from rushing around and secondly, I didn't want to make a scene. I was by myself like I said, so what guts did I have to come up to the counter and say, "Dude, your spoon is filthy!".

So I sat there, reading my book, sipped some coffee, and my eyes would fall back at the dirty spoon again. The time I spent in the cafe reading my book to the time spent staring at the spoon, the ratio would probably be 6:4. I couldn't shake it off! I thought to myself, you either stop staring at the spoon if you're not gonna say anything, or you go up there and nicely tell them that you this is the most dirtiest spoon ever and they should wash the spoons before giving it to people to stir their drinks!

After contemplating for what felt like 10 seconds (lol) I decided to take out my notepad and pen and wrote a small note and left it next to my empty coffee cup. My biggest regret after I walked out however, was not being able to see their reaction to my note. But oh well, I want them to be careful next time. I don't want the place to lose customers over slip ups of this kind.

***

All in all, love your mother- do not take her for granted, because one day you will end up losing her, and you will regret that you have either not spent enough time with her, haven't showered her with all your love or you couldn't even say to her face-to-face that you love her (and saying it on social media just doesn't cut it). Love her with all thy heart, as she has always loved you, even during the times where she can't be more disappointed or upset at you.

Don't wait until it's too late- too late where even when you just wanted to embrace her or hear her laugh at your silly jokes and dance moves, you can't do that anymore....

Emotionally damaged

Dear mum,

I can't sleep. I can't stop crying. I feel rejected, neglected, thrown away- disregarded. Why can't I have a normal life like normal people?! Why do I have to go through all this shit all the fucking time?!

I have gone back to sleep on the couch. My room does not offer commiseration anymore. My bed does not give me comfort. I find solace through discomfort, in a cold room, locked away. This room knows how I feel. It's like it can empathize, put itself in my own shoes.

And here I find peace. Where I can sleep in tensionless ease..

2 year death anniversary

Dear Mum,

Sometimes you don't really realise that time flies so quick, but during times of grief, it doesn't go quick enough. It was 2 years that I was sobbing beside your lifeless body at St Vincent's hospital, but it felt like it happened just yesterday. How can you forget all the little details that surrounded the event?

Comparing this year to the last, believe it or not, I've struggled more this year. The first year I don't think I knew how to feel, being the year of many firsts, but this year, I felt the loss of your presence more strongly. I broke down even more on Mother's Day, your birthday, the whole family's birthdays, Christmas and CNY. Even thinking about my future, you won't be able to be apart of my special events. I can't go wedding dress shopping with you. I can't go with you to pick out cute clothing for your first grandchild. These sort of events are ones you look forward to, but now I dread. Not too sure how I can cope without you here.

Little things as learning how to cook one of your meals and not being able to ask you the recipe, or ask you what I was like in my childhood (because you knew me best); it makes my heart ache every time.

I am always strong on the outside. I went straight to work right after your funeral with my head held high, despite being in a place that I get reminded of you everyday. But the daggers that pierce me are cut quite deep, making a mental pain feel very physical.

Though through this, everyone has gone about with their lives. Dad bought a new car, Gia is improving at school, Quoc is such a cheeky bugger but is still very cute. I want to thank my man who has made my life a lot better. Better to the point I've gained two kgs ><" he's made me enjoy life much more. It's cute how you came to me in a dream when I started dating him to ask me a personal question that only you would ask me, and after secretly approving haha. We were going to the market from what I remember.  I had two did dreams that night, with you appearing twice. And that's the only dreams I've had of you. At least I know you're still around.

I've been quite busy working 5 days a week, volunteering for the ATO a day a week and being at youth group on Sundays. I've always kept myself busy, doing nothing makes me think too much.

I better go make to making dinner. You must be happy I've been learning to cook haha. Kevin will be happy that I can be a good housewife xD

Loving you forever,

Your daughter Anna <3 p="">

This cold/flu won't leave me!

Dear mum,


I have been very patient with myself, so I don't understand why this bug won't leave me alone! I've been sick for 2 weeks now and it is definitely draining my life! I feel weak, my nose is blocked and runny, my throat is phlegmy and sore, my body aches, my head pounds like a gnome is looking for gold in there, and it just would not go away!

I've got to admit, I haven't exactly taken a day off work to properly rest up. I don't have a back up who would work for me, that's the problem. Back when you were sick mum, I would fill in your spot so you could recover. Even staying at home, and it didn't work out for you :( But no matter, I'm a strong girl! Taking all these meds to make me feel like a new person- I hope.

Two more days of antibiotics to go, then I'll see how I go. I was suppose to have Monday and Tuesday off next week but my employee has to go into court for a car fine on tues so I need to work instead. No matter I got Mon off anyway. So a long weekend will hopefully cure me.

I just want to get better before my birthday. Turning 24 OMG where has the time gone. Time has flown faster now that I am happily taken as well. My man is the best. Not really, he's left me to go on a fishing camping trip with his boys hmph. But no matter, I actually had plans this weekend with youth group first but now I'm too sick to participate. He's just so good to me, being patient with a busy girl like me so he deserves to go on this trip. I will be away in HK too so hehe kinda even.

March is too busy for me. There's so many birthdays, so many events that I don't think I'll have a free weekend after this one. That's the reason I want to get better! Going to see the docs the third time next week, I didn't even see the doctors ONCE last year at all. Getting rather ridiculous don't you think.

But yes I will go to sleep now. My back is aching. Missing my chiro lol.

Loving you always,


Your daughter Anna ♥

The past

Dear Mum,


It's been a while since I've blogged, and I thought I'd blog again because a few things have been bugging me.


I'm not young anymore. Yet sometimes I do the most stupid things. I told myself not to do it because I'll get hurt- yet I still did. Always repeat the same mistake over and over again. But this time I've learnt my lesson. I'm too hurt. I don't feel like I'm of any worth. The past sucks.


Curiosity killed the cat. 

“

Curiosity can do more things than kill a cat; and if emotions, well recognized as feminine, are inimical to feline life, then jealousy would soon leave the whole world catless.

”

The actual phrase appeared as the headline to a story in The Washington Post on 4 March 1916 (page 6):

“

CURIOSITY KILLED THE CAT. Four Departments of New York City Government Summoned to Rescue Feline. From the New York World. Curiosity, as you may recall— On the fifth floor of the apartment house at 203 West 130th street lives Miss Mable Godfrey. When she came to the house about seven months ago she brought Blackie, a cat of several years' experience of life. The cat seldom left the apartment. He was a hearth cat, not a fence cat, and did not dearly love to sing. In other respects he was normal and hence curious. Last Tuesday afternoon when Miss Godfrey was out Blackie skipped into the grate fireplace in a rear room. He had done this many times before. But he had not climbed up the flue to the chimney. This he did Tuesday. Blackie there remained, perched on the top of the screen separating the apartment flue from the main chimney, crying for assistance. Miss Godfrey, returning, tried to induce her pet to come down. If you are experienced in felinity, you know that Blackie didn't come down. On Wednesday the cat, curiosity unsatisfied, tried to climb higher—and fell to the first floor. His cries could still be heard by Miss Godfrey; who, to effect Blackie's rescue, communicated with the following departments: 1. Police department. 2. Fire department. 3. Health department. 4. Building department. 5. Washington Heights court. Among them they lowered a rope to Blackie. But it availed neither the cat nor them anything. Thursday morning, just before noon, a plumber opened the rear wall back of the chimney. Blackie was taken out. His fall had injured his back. Ten minutes later Blackie died.

”

Source: Wikipedia ;)


But before this, life has been rather smooth sailing. I'll write up another post about my better days :)


Love you always,


Your daughter Anna ♥

Music

Dear Mum,


I've been back on the piano and guitar. It's another stress reliever, very therapeutic.

Little things by One Direction.
So SWEET! I managed to get a simple version of the music sheet and I can't stop listening, singing and playing this song :D But the majority of the song is acoustic, so I should play this on the guitar rather than the piano.






I can't stop listening to this song- Wish you were here by Delta Goodrem. I relate to it so bad, but in all honesty it is a really good song. I've been trying to find piano sheets to play to it and sing along, but I can't find any free ones so I might just go at it on the guitar- Bm, D, A, G chords





I have currently bookmarked a blogger: Keudae- who puts up transcripts of kpop songs and OH I LOVE IT! I have two kpop songs that I am learning.

1. Trap- Henry
Only because he is part of Super Junior hahaha. But I really like the entrance of the song. First time I heard it I was amazeddd, but I was more amazed to watch him play it so I thought I should learn. Nearly mastered it! I would record and show you but my piano is soooo off key it needs a good tune!






(Pst- I still love you Sungmin  ;))


2. Take me Away by U-Kiss
To be honest, who the hell is U-Kiss? What kind of boy band name is that? But somehow I stumbled on one of their songs and it just sounded peaceful yet sorrowful. Even though most of the song is korean, just by listening to the voices of the male singers, their emotion just pours into the song and made me want to cry. The chorus is so strong: "Somebody take me away, cos I can't take this pain". Arghhh so beautiful yet so sad :(





I'm not learning this song, but whenever I hop onto youtube, I have to listen to it once then I go check out whatever I was suppose to see. And that is none other than: Exo- Growl!

The song is good, but their dance was what attracted me to their MV. It was done in one shoot which I find quite brilliant. Suho, the leader of the pack- he's quite charming hahaha ;P






Love you always,


Your daughter Anna ♥