Happiness and Meaningfulness

Dear Mum,

I just got back from the dentist today. Did a routine check and clean. I think this time around the dentist was very thorough, because last time he was in such a hurry he did not explain anything to me or even missed a few spots when he was cleaning. I'm so glad my teeth are not too sensitive, I remember you said you had to get needles all over to numb your whole mouth just to get your teeth cleaned. You couldn't handle the sensitivity of what the drill was doing :(

I just joined Medibank last week and thanks to Dad he was able to leeway into claiming the extras immediately so today, I went on the Medibank website to claim back 70% from the goddamn dental bill. So freaking expensive I tell you.

But the thing was, I did some voodoo shenanigans on the site and instead of getting back 70% of $200 I only got $26.50! I was thinking to myself, how in the world did that happen?! I had no hesitation in calling up Medibank to resolve the issue. They told me about the item numbers and I had to list all the numbers on the receipt to claim back the amounts. Such a hassle. But the lady was so nice she went through the whole procedure with me so next time I could do it properly.

I read on The Age an article about Happiness Vs Meaningfulness.

"Happiness seems intertwined with the benefits one receives from others. Meaningfulness is instead associated with the benefits that others receive from the self".

I believe it is debatable. Some people find the happiness in helping others. It gives them a sense of satisfaction and somewhat- power. But those two phrases do come under meaningfulness. But meaningfulness is not a feeling, it's our conscious mind telling us what are the right and wrong- morals and beliefs and the decisions we make that affect it. It is said that having a meaningful but unhappy life is more admirable than a happy but meaningless one. And then the author went on to compare a happy lifestyle to the lives of animals. They hunt, eat and be satisfied with what they have. That's a bit off.

Humans cannot be compared to animals. Humans are very intelligent beings who can create their own lives and success whether it be a happy or meaningful one. In some ways I can relate to having an unhappy yet meaningful life. Since mum, you're not here anymore I am still just floating. I don't know where my life will go, I see no sense of direction and even though on the outside, I seem like I've got everything in the bag, it is not that way. All I am doing is just to continue living. Living for my dad and brothers. It would be meaningless if it weren't for my three big men in the house.

5 month Death Anniversary 20/01/2013

I live for them <3 p="">

Love you always,

Your daughter Anna ♥ 

The lovelies

Dear Mum,

You're probably worried about work aren't you. Am I managing it well? Is everything going smoothly? Do I still have my clientele to keep the business running? Don't worry mum, I know it's your pride and joy and I will never let anything destroy it :)

Here is Connie and Samantha! Your "second" sister and daughter! They still come past every 3 weeks to get their necessities done. Samantha said she is going to have a job soon, I can't be any happier! Being autistic is hard and finding a job is even harder, but she is getting there and I'm so proud. You'll be proud of her as well mum. Connie is getting a new phone (again!). Bless her she is so adorable, always shopping at Sportsgirl and changing her phone every few months.


All the Helen's we both know are really good as well. Everyone has their normal everyday problems but they always come past with a smile on their face and their humour turned on! I witnessed Helen and another client about to have a catfight! I was flabbergasted but found it funny at the same time. The other lady was very rude though I must admit, she said my co-worker couldn't speak English properly and she was too "gentle". Is that even something to complain about?! She was a Chinese fob too mind you, and I never have anything against Chinese people or fobs. I want to study Chinese till I'm fluent.

You probably don't know Kana yet. I just hired her a month ago. She is a very nice and kind girl. Gentle and friendly. Hopefully I can train her up to be as good as Jenny and Thi. Thi will be having her baby sometime this week! I'm so excited for her, she is definitely naming her Anna! *cough*

Someone came yesterday or the day before and asked for you to do her nails. She said you always did it for her before. The shock on her face when I broke the news. She was speechless. Can't imagine how everyone else took it when they just heard about you in August. But we all know that whenever they come to the shop they always get reminded of you. Always asking how I am coping and how dad and the brothers are. Will never be the same but can always improve over time.

It was your goddaughter Loan's birthday on Tuesday. Us cousins went to the night market and had a ball. It was so crowded but we had a good time. The food the market stores the people- just a lively atmosphere! I bought her this BEAUTIFUL bouquet and she put a photo of it on instagram. It's so pretty and I love it! And hope she did too lol.

                                       

Valentines day is coming up ;) Make sure you get in early, or all the good ones will be gone! :P

I'll be spending it at home with my old man and bros, gulping down some beer and shoot some aliens on the Xbox. Gonna be a hard one for my dad this year. Had a weird conversation with Dad about the how relationship stuff again. "Date a guy that is catholic. It's okay if he's not but it's easier when you're older because you won't have to worry about making those types of decisions." "So have you pinpointed any guys yet?" Awkward having these talks with Dad, but I'm his responsibility now and it's gotta be done lol.

Day off tomorrow and I've got a few things planned. Was thinking of having a really good sleep in though. Last Sunday I slept till 12pm. It was sooooo good! 

Look after me up in heaven.

Love you always,

Your daughter Anna ♥ 

I found out...

Dear Mum,

It's been an interesting few days, I've encountered a lot of things that has made me aware that it's a good thing to BE aware.

First of all my clients are the most amazing people that have crossed my life. Not only do they provide for me and my family but the conversations we have together are just gold. Secondly my friends are crazy people but I love them.

I've found out that elderly ladies still check out other girl's arses to see whether they wear undies or a g-string. I'm sure girls my age don't do that. I know I don't lol.

I've found out that after many months thinking one of my clients have left me, that she actually had breast cancer and is currently recovering from it. She came in and had her nails and toes painted. Bless her soul.

I've found out that there is such a thing as white tattoos and piercings "down there". Yes, the girly region. How can you... What can you... I still don't understand the benefit of it, truly.

I've found out that guys can still like someone else while they're in a relationship. Even though you don't initiate anything I still think it's not a good thing. If she's Miranda Kerr then I forgive them. I have a lesbian crush on her too.

I've found out that mum, you are still remember by everyone that has crossed paths with you. You will never be forgotten. Even people who don't know you think you are a gorgeously nice person. I miss you incredibly, and no, I did not just find that out- I've missed you for a very long time now.

Sometimes I ask myself why am I trapped in this sort of life? What did I do in my past life to deserve this type of grief? But I think it's a lesson. A lesson where you can learn and build from all the heartaches and losses and gain what can be rightfully yours.

And so I am still here. Alive and healthy (enough) to still strive on.

Love you always,


Your daughter Anna ♥